Seeking Him

Pilgrimage

I love to travel.  One of my very favorite things in life is to visit a place I have never been before. I love the anticipation and preparation before I go; the guidebooks, online searches, itineraries and maps....I especially LOVE maps!  And when we arrive, I want to drop our bags, grab my map and explore!  I want to see everything there is to see and, left to my own devices, I tend to plan somewhat of an ambitious schedule.  

My family, on the other hand, tends to tire of my "energetic" pace and eventually intervenes or stages a mutiny...like they did in Paris a few years ago.   "Mom, today we are going to STROLL, not MARCH! We are NOT marching today!"  "But," I protest, " we still have to see _____!!"  In spite of my attempts to convince them that our trip would just not be complete without checking off all the items on my list, the girls and their father insisted that it would be ok to miss a few things and just sit and watch the people for a while.  While this departure from my agenda cut considerably into my planned photo opportunities, it ended up being one of the most enjoyable days of our trip.  Since then, we tend to compromise and have both marching days AND strolling days on the itinerary (and yes, I still make an itinerary!)  I have learned to relax and enjoy those unplanned days.  I am, however, still a little ticked that we didn't make it to the Rodin museum!

Today in my devotional, the topic was pilgrimage and the scripture was from Psalm 84:5-7.   

⁵ Blessed are those whose strength is in You,
    whose hearts are set on pilgrimage.
⁶ As they pass through the Valley of Baka (or weeping,)
    they make it a place of springs;
    the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
⁷ They go from strength to strength,
    till each appears before God in Zion.

What does it mean to have a heart set on pilgrimage?  Pilgrimage is defined as "any long journey, especially one undertaken as a quest or act of devotion."  Is a pilgrimage then, in this context, the long journey towards God?  The author of the devotional I was reading this morning talked about our need to "arrive:" the perceived need for the perfect home, the perfect family, the perfect job, the perfect _____.  He said "so often, we reject pilgrimage and look for heaven on earth" as the source of our sense of self worth and value.  Is process of seeking the Kingdom and the manifest presence of God....knowing that we won't fully experience it this side of heaven...a worthwhile goal in and of itself?

This line of thinking reminded me of that familar quote "Life is a journey, not a destination." Sometimes I tire of the search and I just want to "arrive."  I want to have the perfect formula for living a life of balance and meaning and purpose.  I want, as Micah says "to act justly, and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with my God," yet I haven't quite figured out how to do that consistently.  I want to see all the sights and check them off my list, but sometimes I find myself weary from the marching.

As I've pondered this word 'pilgrimage' today, it seems there is something to be said for the reminder that my quest to know God is indeed a journey- it is a process, an unfolding, an imagining and it won't be anywhere near complete until I see Him face to face.  In fact, it is just this journey- this pilgrimage- that God is calling me to right now. The uncovering, the discovering, the trial and error are all part of the journey.  Getting lost and then getting found again is part of the journey as well.  And this scripture reminds us that we grow stronger and stronger through the process until we reach our final destination. Perhaps it is even an invitation to sit back and enjoy the ride.

Some days my pilgrimage does require marching, but often a leisurely, expectant, open-for-anything stroll might be even better!

 

 

 

 

My 50th Year

A few weeks ago, I had a birthday and began my 50th year on this earth.  In turning 49, I began a year that promises to bring a lot of changes and transistions.  This time next year, my youngest will have left for college and my season of full time, day to day parenting will come to a close.  This huge milestone for our family will come a week or two after my 50th birthday.  My life as I have known it for almost 20 years is going to change significantly, so I am trying to be thoughtful and intentional about listening over the next year.  Listening to myself, listening to the wisdom of those who know me best and most of all, listening to God as I contemplate what comes next for me. 

My baby girl is a senior in high school!  I remember when they were little and I calculated what year they would graduate; the Class of 2012 and the Class of 2014 seemed light years away.  Now, here we are on the precipice of 2014 and it feels like both a lifetime and only a moment have passed.  My journey as a parent has been one of great joy and I have never regreted the decision to retire from full-time employment while my girls were growing up.  However, now that I have been out of the work force for nearly 18 years, I realize that the world has changed somewhat since I last drew a paycheck.  Re-entering that world as a 50 year old woman presents challenges, both daunting and exciting.  It occurs to me that there may be value in beginning to ask questions and explore options while I am journeying through this last year at home.  

What questions need to be asked as I wrap up my first half century and contemplate the next season of my journey?  What do I do that brings me joy? About what am I passionate?  In what ways has God uniquely gifted me?  What do I have to contribute vocationally that would help meet the financial needs of our family at this stage of our lives?  And here is the big one: how do I communicate the skills and expertise that I have developed in these 18 years that I have been away from paid employment?  I am not the same person that I was when I quit working to stay home with my kids.  Besides my responsibilites on the home front, I have been actively involved with volunteer work in the community and served in a number of leadership positions, but how does that translate into skills that I might have to offer a potential employer?

As I said when I began this blog back in 2005, I do some of my best listening when I write it down.  As we have gotten back to our school year routine this week, I have been starting my days with my journal and today I decided to find my way back here to see what I might find.  What I love about blogging is the opportunity to initiate a conversation.  Back when I was blogging regularly, I loved to get comments about the questions and thoughts that my musings may have inspired in those who took time to stop by and read my words.  I am hopeful that others of you who are at this stage of life will share with me your journey: how have you handled a looming empty nest?  How are you making the  transition back into the workforce after a time away?