Seeking Him

Do It Anyway

This week's guest on American Idol was country music star, Martina McBride.  On Wednesday night's result show, she sang her single "Anyway."  I had heard it before, but it was much more meaningful in light of the events earlier this week at VA Tech.  Not only are the lyrics meaningful, but it is an amazingly beautiful song as well....a singer's song that swells into a powerful chorus.  Here are the lyrics:

You can spend your whole life building
Something from nothin'
One storm can come and blow it all away
Build it anyway

You can chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This world's gone crazy
It's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

You can love someone with all your heart
For all the right reasons
In a moment they can choose to walk away
Love 'em anyway

God is great
But sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like I think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyways

You can pour your soul out singing
A song you believe in
That tomorrow they'll forget you ever sang
Sing it anyway
Yea - sing it anyway

I sing
I dream
I love
Anyway

Evil, hatred and fear may have had a good week, but we know God still wins in the end.

Broken Hearts

Westfield High School has been on the news the last few days.  Our church has a partnership with Westfield High; the first ever church-school partnership in Fairfax County Public School history.  Although my girls will go to a different high school, most of the kids in their youth group at church attend Westfield or will attend Westfield.  We had the privilege of getting to know the kids in the drama department at Westfield when we joined with them in our production of Godspell last month.  As I told those kids in an email yesterday, our church family and the Westfield Drama Dept. are linked forever because of our love for those kids.

Late Monday night, those precious kids found out that one of their own was killed in the shootings that morning.  Reema, like the kids I love, was an actor, singer and dancer before she was silenced forever in her French class on Monday morning.  As Tuesday dawned, it became clear that another 2006 grad had also been killed.  Erin played Varsity basketball; a strong, vibrant athlete.  Yesterday afternoon, they heard the sobering news that the shooter had also graduated from Westfield a few years before.  All day yesterday, they dealt with helicopters and media vans surrounding their school as they tried to process their grief and anger.  I'm sure the press is still there today.

Last night, we opened up our church for a community prayer service.  My older daughter and I had the privilege of attending the service to weep and pray with our Westfield brothers and sisters.  Many others in the community also attended, but the largest numbers were Westfield kids, faculty and families.  The service was scheduled for 7:30, but when we arrived at 7, the parking lot was already full.  I heard the kids started to arrive as early as 6:30.  The sanctuary, lit by candles, was full. 

As I sat on the edges of the crowds of students last night, I watched and listened and prayed.  The pain in the room was palpable.  I looked up the word palpable to make sure I was using it correctly:   palpable means " capable of being handled, touched, or felt; tangible."  You could see the pain in their faces, hear the pain in the sounds of their weeping.  It was indeed tangible, palpable...the room was filled with broken hearts.  Broken at the loss of their friends, broken at the loss of their innocence, broken by their outrage, their disbelief, their anger, and their questions that have no answers.  As I hugged the kids that I knew, I wanted so badly to offer words of meaning but could only repeat over and over "I'm so, so sorry!" 

The evening was beautiful and tragic; a combination of the best and worst life has to offer.  Grief, sorrow, and anger swirling in the healing balm of community, hope and love.  For many of us there, those conflicting emotions were washed in a powerful sense of the Presence of God.   As Christians, we believe God can bring light in the midst of darkness, hope in the midst of despair...what we believe matters most when the world seems the most dark and hopeless.  When we feel helpless, it matters that we pray.  When those around us are too devastated to pray, it matters that we stay with them and pray for them until they can see the light for themselves.  Last night was about seeing some friends in a dark place, being willing to crawl into that dark place with them and bring our flashlight.

The service was beautifully planned and led by Don, Neil, Jeff, Sharon and Sammy.  To each of you, thank you for allowing God to use you.  What you did last night mattered and I am grateful to you.  You shined a light in a dark place and made a safe space for others to join you.

A Chilling Wind

The world feels like a scary place today.  All night long, we heard winds howling all around us, setting the mood for the day to come...a soundtrack for the story that was still to unfold.  The weather forecast called for winds gusting up to 50 m.p.h. and Mother Nature delivered.  By early this morning, our local school system decided to close school 3 hours early because children in the overflow trailers (the pc word for them is "modular" units) were not safe in this wind. 40 degrees with 20 m.p.h winds makes for a day that chills you to the bone.  The wind is still screaming outside as I write.

By noon, the reports from Va Tech started to come in.  At first, we grieved for two students that lost their lives to senseless violence.  Soon it became apparent that the chill we felt from the north wind was nothing compared to the chill deep within as the body count grew...22 and then 32.  At this writing, the count is 33, including the angry young man who chained the doors to trap his victims and then opened fire without a word...eventually, so they say right now, turning the gun on himself. 

Living in Virginia, many of our local kids go to VA Tech.  The emails flew all day from church members trying to remember which families had kids at VA Tech, and the emails confirming those kids safety as their frantic parents heard from them.  While I don't personally know any of the kids who were injured or killed, my heart breaks as I think about the families....perhaps right down the street...who have gotten calls from the hospital in Blacksburg to tell them that their precious child has fallen prey to hate and anger and violence. 

While I won't get on my soapbox (much) right now, I also believe those children are victims of ridiculous gun laws...laws that make the rest of the world wonder what we expect to happen when you can purchase a gun more easily and more quickly than you can get a driver's license or, for that matter, a fishing license.  The NRA is firmly entrenched here in VA and our gun laws are laughable and, in my opinion, tragic.  Maybe I'll write more about it later.  The NRA ought to have to send a representative to every one of those kids' funerals and look those parents in the eye and tell THEM "guns don't kill people, people kill people."  What possible reason is there for anyone to need a 9mm handgun?  Hunting??   And is it such an imposition to have to wait a few days before you buy a weapon that is designed to kill people?  No waiting in Virginia! Ok....maybe a tiny bit on my soapbox, but I'm done for now.

I have a friend who had surgery this morning and I've been praying for her all day.  I hear that she is doing fine (praise God) but I'm sure she has spent most of today in la-la land.  The thought actually crossed my mind that she didn't miss much by sleeping through today.  The world will be a bit more fractured when she wakes up...a little scarier, a little more chilling a place to raise our babies.  I know, I know...we have hope for a better tomorrow in Jesus Christ, but today...today, I'm feeling chilled to the bone.

UPDATE: Before I could even publish this entry to my blog, I just now (6 p.m.) got a phone call from a reporter from National Public Radio.  She believes they have a name for the shooter and she says that he may be a neighbor of mine!  She wanted to know if I knew him.  In case she is wrong, I won't write the name here...I don't know him, even if she is right.  I thought I had chills before...

7:30 UPDATE: Lady from NPR called back to say they were wrong. Never broadcasted it, but wanted me to know that the name that they asked me about is NOT the shooter.  What a weird day!

Still He Walked

I received this in an email from my mom...a beautiful meditation as we anticipate Easter morning.

STILL HE WALKED

He could hear the crowds screaming "crucify" "crucify"...

He could hear the hatred in their voices,

These were his chosen people.

He loved them,

And they were going to crucify him.

He was beaten, bleeding and weakened... his heart was broken,

But still He walked.

He could see the crowd as he came from the palace.

He knew each of the faces so well.

He had created them.

He knew every smile, laugh, and shed tear,

But now they were contorted with rage and anger...his heart broke,

But still He walked.

Was he scared?

You and I would have been

So his humanness would have mandated that he was. He felt alone.

His disciples had left, denied, and even betrayed him.

He searched the crowd for a loving face and he saw very few.

Then he turned his eyes to the only one that mattered

And he knew that he would never be alone.

He looked back at the crowd, at the people who were spitting

At him, throwing rocks at him and mocking him and he knew

That because of him, they would never be alone.

So for them, He walked.

The sounds of the hammer striking the spikes echoed through

The crowd. The sounds of his cries echoed even louder,

The cheers of the crowd, as his hands and feet

Were nailed to the cross, intensified with each blow.

Loudest of all was the still small voice inside his

Heart that whispered "I am with you, my son",

And God's heart broke.

He had let his son walk.

Jesus could have asked God to end his suffering,

But instead he asked God to forgive.

Not to forgive him, but to forgive the ones who were persecuting him.

As he hung on that cross, dying an unimaginable death,

He looked out and saw, not only the faces in the crowd,

But also, the face of every person yet to be,

And his heart filled with love.

As his body was dying, his heart was alive.

Alive with the limitless, unconditional love he feels for each of us.

That is why He walked.

When I forget how much My God loves me,

I remember his walk.

When I wonder if I can be forgiven,

I remember his walk.

When I need reminded of how to live like Christ,

I think of his walk.

And to show him how much I love him,

I wake up each morning, turn my eyes to him,

And I walk.

-- Author Unknown