Seeking Him

The Thinking Blogger Award

Matt has honored me with the Thinking Blogger Award.  As he says on his blog, it is a nice way to recognize some of the many great blogs out there and it originated here.  Once you've been tagged, it is your turn to select, in no particular order, 5 blogs that have blessed you for one reason or another and tag them.  Thanks, Matt!  I appreciate you considering my blog a place worth visiting!

Here are the five blogs that I would recommend to you:

1. Milton at don't eat alone- Milton is an amazing writer, a professional chef and the husband of a pastor.  He has a heart for the situation in Darfur and poetry in his soul.  I cry 99% of the time when I read his blog.  When I grow up, I want to write like Milton.
2. Jan at A Church for Starving Artists- Also a wonderful writer, Jan is a pastor at a church here in the Washington Metro area.  Her perspective on what the church SHOULD be and the moments when it is almost there, bless me every time I read her blog.  I appreciate the perspective of a female in full-time ministry and we also happen to have similar tastes in authors and political perspectives!!  Love Jan's blog!
3. Neil at Broken Bonds, Loosed Chains- you knew I had to mention Neil's blog!  Neil is my pastor and my friend.  I appreciate his perspective on everything and his deep love of our Lord.  I have recently been inspired by his disciplined training for a marathon and the way that he has chronicled that journey on his blog.  Neil is a bad influence on me in terms of all the books he recommends.  We share a love of reading and Amazon has really appreciated Neil's presence in my life! 
4. Emily at Art & Nonsense- Emily is my twenty-something artist friend who keeps me young and energized.  She is a student at the Corcoran School of Art and an amazing artist, writer and friend.  We share a love of Jesus and an intolerance of mean people and bull****.  Emily can create art with many mediums; check out how she paints with words on her blog.
5. Laura at Two Boys, Ages 4 and 6- This is my precious sister-in-law, writing about her adventures with my two nephews.  If she and my brother ever split up, I might just keep her instead of him!  She is one of the smartest people I know and VERY funny!  Living life with two ENERGETIC little boys makes for some very funny blog entries.  What she hasn't shared on the blog is that she is expecting #3 in September!  I guess she will have to change the name of her blog!  Although she doesn't write about it, I also appreciate Laura's perspectives on our shared Christian journey and the current situation in the PCUSA.

So, there they are, in no particular order, 5 blogs that I visit regularly and love!  5 very different, but equally gifted writers.  Thanks again, Matt!  By the way, I also love Matt's blog!

Filling my time after Godspell...

While my family might prefer that I begin cooking dinner again or doing laundry, I decided to spend my new-found free time today by choosing a new template for my blog.  I have missed the purple....whaddya' think?

Post- Godspell Blues

We did it!!!  Three awesome shows!  Everybody stepped up and made it happen...the cast, the band, the crew, all the volunteers that fed us and took tickets and cheered us on.  It was an absolutely incredible experience; I will never forget this weekend.

I tried to write something on Sunday evening, but I was too physically exhausted after a week of living on adrenaline.  Yesterday was a day of wonderful emails from cast members to one another expressing their affection and their sadness that this part of our journey is complete.  It seems that I am not the only person that has found this to be one of the highlights of my life.

For the past 48 hours, I find myself clutching my Godspell treasure box close.  In quiet moments, I take out a memory...a moment...a scene or a song...and turn it slowly around in my heart and mind to savor it again.  A moment in the green room before the last show watching Duke and Nick C. plot to add a little something "extra" to the show to surprise us :-)...a moment when 4 or 5 of us prayed around Garrett because his voice was scratchy and sore...a moment when I watched my precious first-born from across the stage having the time of her life.  I cherish these moments with my friends...my Godspell family. 

I also hold close to my heart the three times that I got to sing my song in the shows.  The peace I had because I knew I was prepared....the comfort of knowing that "my girls" were praying for me while I sang, just as I had prayed for them when it was their turn to sing.  The moment that I gave my song to God as an offering, then just let it rip...the exhiliration of knowing that it was good and that God was being glorified through the words that I was singing.  The sheer joy of making music and sharing it with an audience...it is a high that is hard for me to describe.  It was as if God gave me a present and then I had the privilege of offering it back to Him for Him to use to touch all of our hearts.  As the quote from the movie Chariots of Fire says, when I sang, I felt "God's pleasure" and knew that I was right in the center of His Will.

Each night had its particular joys and wonderful memories.  There were dear ones in attendance at all 3 shows...packed house on Friday night, completely sold out on Saturday and Sunday!!  Every musical number intensified the energy and the emotion of the message...all the parables and skits bound the audience to us in laughter.  The more they laughed, the more fun we had and the sillier/ better we got.  The Prodigal Son part of the first act just got better and better with each show; Duke, Kevin, Trevor, Nick, Heidi and my Alex were having a blast and the rest of us enjoyed it as much as the audience.  The entire second act just got better and better each night; Sara's teasing of the guys (and the audience!) in "Turn Back, Oh Man," Garrett's passion in "Alas for You, " the energy of the whole cast in "We Beseech Thee," the tender beauty and heartbreak in both of the ladies' trios.  Everything built to a crescendo in the cruxificion scene...the emotion was real and raw, especially on Sunday.  We remembered why we keep telling this story...and why we will celebrate Easter once again next week.

The final memory of the weekend stars Kevin.  At our cast party on Sunday evening, Kevin performed a one man show of Godspell...playing all of our parts.  We laughed so hard that I thought I was going to pull something....seeing as how I was already exhausted and sore, I am not entirely sure it was healthy :-)!!  He is brilliant and will probably be famous someday. I enjoyed watching him, but even more, I enjoyed watching the person who he was "playing" as he re-played our individual parts.  The look on their faces...the delight of watching their contribution played back in such a light-hearted way...was priceless.  Kevin would deliver their line or their expression almost as an impression of them and the look on their face showed their pride in what they had created...it was their gift and, in our hearts, would always belong to that individual. 

I could write forever on this topic, but I will stop for now.  There are some members of our cast planning to go to another production of Godspell in D.C. this weekend, but I'm not ready yet.  Right now, I want to cherish the way we did it, the way we sang it, the way we killed the Fatted Calf three times....heee heee!  I will be ready to enjoy the music again in late April when three of our cast members perform in Godspell Jr. at one of our local middle schools....go Kevin, Trevor and Nick!!!!

For any of you cast members reading this, what are we going to do this weekend???????????

A Picture Speaks a 1000 Words

Opening Night tonight!  I can't believe it is finally here!  For those of you who want to come to the show and don't have tickets yet, tonight is your night.  Saturday and Sunday are both sold out! My younger daughter took over 200 pictures at our rehearsal on Wednesday night.  Today, I will let the pictures speak for themselves.  I wanted to post a bunch of pictures, so they are small.  If you click on the individual pictures, they will open into a larger version.  Enjoy!

Saving Grace

I've found myself in tears at least 3 times today and it is only 2:00 in the afternoon.  Once I cried when I read an email from one of my fellow cast members this morning.  I found myself crying again when I was listening to praise music while working out mid-day.  Then I cried numerous times reading Anne Lamott's new book.  I'm not sure whether it's hormones or the intensity of the emotions surrounding this weekend of Godspell, but my spirit feels raw...like the new skin underneath when the scab has come off...it doesn't hurt, but it needs time to toughen up to live out in the real world.  None of the tears were about sadness.  Each time...if there is a common thread...the tears were about people being saved by grace.  Saved from alienation, saved from self-obsession, saved from loneliness, addiction and despair.  Grace that softens the edges of our spirits and allows us to open up to other human beings and to God.  Grace that says you are OK just like you are.  Grace that says that you are loved deeply and forever and for no reason except that you are you....with no requirement except that you accept that Grace.  Saving Grace....life-affirming Grace.  Today it overwhelmed me and made me cry.

There is a song in the show...the first song that Jesus sings and that we join him in singing.  It is a plea for God to save us....God Save the People.  A prayer we pray when we see the images from Iraq or Darfur or Southeast D.C....a prayer I pray every time I hear George Bush speak (OK, sorry, I've been reading Anne Lamott all afternoon and I'm feeling fiesty :-)  It really helped me when our director reminded us that, although we are celebrating and dancing during this upbeat song, we are also pleading, begging, searching for answers...for saving...for grace perhaps.  The disciples we play were, as we are, people in need of saving.  Here are the words...read them as a prayer:

When wilt thou save the people?
Oh God of mercy, when?
Not kings and lords, but nations,
Not thrones and crowns, but men!
Flow'rs of thy heart, o God, are they;
Let them not pass, like weeds, away,
Their heritage a sunless day.
God save the people.

Shall crime bring crime forever,
Strength aiding still the strong?
Is it thy will, o Father,
That men shall toil for wrong?
"No", say thy mountains;
"No", say thy skies;
Man's clouded sun shall brightly rise,
And songs be heard instead of sighs.
God save the people.

When wilt thou save the people?
Oh God of mercy when?
The people, Lord, the people,
Not thrones and crowns, but men!
God save the people, for thine they are,
Thy children as thy angels fair.
God save the people from despair.
God save the people.
Oh God save the people!
God save the people!
Oh God save the people!
God save the people.
Oh God save the people!
God save the people!
Oh God save the people!

When wilt thou save the people?
O God of mercy when?
The people, Lord, the people,
Not thrones and crowns, but men!
God save the people, save us,
For thine they are, for thine they are.
Thy children as thy angels fair:
O, God save the people,
Save the people,
God save the people,
From despair.
God save the people!

God save the people,
O, God save the people,
God save the people,
O, God save the people,
God save the people,
God save the people,
God save the people.

(By the way, my younger daughter took over 200 pictures of our rehearsal last night.  I will post a bunch of Godspell pictures tomorrow or later today!  The one above is from last night...us reaching out to touch Jesus.)

The Gifts of Godspell

I was standing in the church parking lot after bible study this morning with two of my favorite people, my friend Julie and our senior pastor Rob.  Julie and I were sharing with Rob how much fun we are having being part of the cast of Godspell.  He asked us the question "what do you think has made it so special?"

What has made this experience so special?  As I said in my last blog entry about Godspell, the people are the primary answer to the question, for instance, the deepening of friendships with dear ones like Julie.  However, as I reflect on that question, there are even more blessings than that.  One of the things Julie and I identified as bringing us both a great deal of joy is the playfulness of the whole production.  Jesus' "disciples" in the story are meant to be very childlike and innocent.  There is a great deal of silliness in the process of acting out the parables found in Matthew.  Julie and I are on the "older" end of the cast and we agreed that it was very refreshing to get the opportunity to just play.  In the course of the show, I shriek as I am locked in jail, I gasp for air as a plant without enough moisture, I wail like a devil, I baa like a sheep, and crawl around on the floor for a variety of reasons too numerous to mention.  Suffice it to say that I rarely shriek, gasp, wail, baa or crawl around in "real" life.  I also, throughout the play, dance with joy a great deal.  We all do...I do it much more poorly than most.  However, in the context of the play, I feel free to dance with abandon.  Ooooh, that might be it....playing, being silly, singing loudly, dancing poorly....all with abandon.  Not much place in my proper adult world to do very many things with abandon!  I think that must be a big part of the joy of Godspell for me.

Speaking of things done with abandon, the joy of Godspell is also very much tied up with the joy of laughter.  We laugh HARD during our Godspell rehearsals.  We laugh often...almost constantly.  Some of the funniest people that I know are in this cast....Duke, Justin, Sarah, Ellen, Kevin, just to name a few.  Actually, everyone in the cast is hilarious.  Again, where in life do you get the opportunity to laugh for a common purpose...for a "good" cause, if you will.  Laughing regularly is something I am blessed to have in my life outside of Godspell, but the energy and silliness of this setting make it extra special. 

The other thing that has been extraordinary about this experience is watching God use it all for His glory.  We haven't even done the performances for an audience yet, but God has already been showing off!  My favorite gift we have gotten from God in this process has been my new friend, Anne.  Anne came to us as a gift from Sarah initially, but God had bigger plans.  Anne has real-life Broadway and off-Broadway experience, so she actually knows what she is doing much more than many of us do.  Yet, not once has she been the least bit "Diva-ish."  In fact, she is one of the most generous spirited people that I have ever had the pleasure to know.  She is creative, funny, loving, talented and giving.  She and her equally lovely daughter Heidi have contributed costumes, props, puppets and endless ideas and energy.  Best of all, Anne is now going through the New Members class at our church, so we get to "keep" her after the production is over!  I love that God gave us a new member of our family who came to us through a different door than usual. A gift that keeps on giving...I look forward to God growing my new friendship with Anne over the coming weeks and months. This is only one example of how God has expressed His generosity to us through Godspell.

Speaking of God's good gifts, here are the words to the song I have the privilege of singing in our production.  It is a breathtakingly beautiful song...so beautiful that I only have to show up and open my mouth for God to use it to bless those who are listening.  It is very easy to sing these words straight from my heart:

ALL GOOD GIFTS

We plow the fields and scatter the good seed on the land..

But it is fed and watered by God's almighty hand..

He sends us snow in winter, the warmth to swell the grain...

The breezes and the sunshine, and soft refreshing rain...

Chorus:

All good gifts around us

Are sent from Heaven above

Then thank the Lord, thank the Lord for all his love...

We thank thee then, O Father, for all things bright and good,

The seedtime and the harvest, our life our health our food,

No gifts have we to offer for all thy love imparts

But that which thou desirest, our humble thankful hearts!

Chorus:

All good gifts around us

Are sent from Heaven above..

Then thank the Lord, thank the Lord for all his love..

I really wanna thank you Lord!

I wanna thank you, Lord, thank you for all of your love.

Day by Day

This is Godspell week for my daughter and me.  Opening night is Friday and we are completely immersed, buried, obsessed with it.  I can't remember any activity with which I have been involved that has brought me more joy than this production.  I plan to write about Godspell this week here on my blog...mostly as a way to document and remember this experience.  I am already feeling sad that it will be all over on Sunday, but I am trying to delay that grieving and focus instead on savoring the moments that we have left to experience.

As is the case with most of my favorite things in life, the joy of Godspell is all about the people.  Our cast has become like a big family.  I don't have enough theatre experience to know if that is always the case when you work this many hours together on a production, or if this closeness is something special.  The fact that our cast ranges in age from 10 to 50 probably enhances that feeling.  This experience is also unique for me in that my 13 year old daughter and I are doing it together.  After 10 or so years of cheering her on during dance recitals, music performances and sporting events, I am actually having the opportunity to enter the experience with her and be on her "team."  It is something I will treasure forever.  We have to be careful when we are at home with her dad and sister not to speak a special Godspell "language" that only we can understand...talking incessantly of this funny thing from rehearsal or what we thought of that particular scene.  Someday, I hope I will have the chance to experience something similar with my younger daughter.

The older teenagers that I have gotten to know during these months of rehearsal have calmed any fears that I might have had about the upcoming adolescent years with my girls.  They are all precious... smart, funny, polite, committed, responsible...each of them a pleasure to know.  The two young men that play the main roles, Jesus and Judas, are two of the nicest kids I have ever met.  Boys of 16-17 are often not seen in the best light...Garrett and Nick renew my faith.  They are both incredibly gifted actors and musicians, but more importantly, they are kind, giving, responsible young men.  It has been my absolute pleasure to watch them make these roles their own. 

Most of these young people had way more theatre experience that I did going into this production and I have learned so much from watching them.  Our director, Zoe, is their drama teacher at the high school and she is my absolute hero.  She probably spends more time with these kids than they spend with their parents and she doesn't take that responsiblity lightly.  Watching her work with them, work with all of us, has been one of the great joys of this process.  Clearly, she is interested in the final product that we are trying to create, but even more clear is her committment to each of those kids as growing human beings.  Harnessing the energy of a bunch of theatrical kids, teens and adults takes a very special person and we are blessed to have found that person in Zoe.

I wish I could say a little something about each member of the cast and I wish I could tell you why every song from the show is special....we'll see how much time and energy I have this week for writing!  For today, a good place to end is with the lyrics to the song Day by Day.  Being that I am a big fan of bumper sticker theology, you can't get much simpler and clearer about our walk with Jesus than this song that is sung early in the show.  In our production, it is sung by a lovely young lady named Sammy.  I have had the privilege of watching Sammy grow up in our church....she was probably around 9 or 10 when I first met her.  She is 16 or so now and she is every parent's dream for their daughter.  Beautiful, but not in an affected, overly self-conscious way....smart and comfortable with adults, but always with respect....stong and sure in her faith, but in a way that draws the other teens in, not alienating them with self-righteousness or religiousity.  I believe it is because of Sammy that the "non-church" kids in our cast felt comfortable joining a church production.  She is a natural leader that even we adults felt comfortable following.  Sammy was the perfect choice to sing this song because she exudes the combination of innocence and maturity that this song seeks to communicate.  

Day by day
Day by day
Oh Dear Lord
Three things I pray
To see thee more clearly
Love thee more dearly
Follow thee more nearly
Day by day

You can't get much simpler and clearer than that.  With each new day, open my eyes to Your glory, open my heart to love You more, show me the path to follow You...Lord, hear our prayer!

Me and Jesus

If you read this blog regularly, you know that I am crazy about Jesus.  Of course, you may have noticed lately that I am also crazy about Barak Obama, but I love Jesus WAY more.  Seriously, with each passing year, I find that my love for my Savior deepens as I learn more about what it truly means to be a follower of Jesus Christ.

Jesus has been a huge source of artistic inspiration through the centuries since He lived on earth.  Michaelangelo is only one of the many artists that have tried to capture the essence of this Man who was more than a man.  Because we have no photographs, any representation of Him is only a guess...an attempt to somehow create something tangible of the intangible.  While Jesus is the subject of many masterpieces from centuries past, modern-day depictions of Jesus often seem to border on the....shall we say....tacky?  Picture black light posters and dogs smoking cigars.  Call me crazy, but the 10 foot statue pictured with me above would probably fit into the latter category, in my humble opinion. 

Still, I couldn't resist it!  We saw this in front of a store in Miami and I just knew I had to have a picture...I was thinking of you, my dear readers!!!  Wouldn't it be nice to have a Jesus around that you could look in the eye?  There is something very comforting about a 10 foot Jesus that I can touch and see.  If you look closely, you can even see the nail holes in His hands...a stark reminder of how much He loves me.  Of course, this Jesus has limits.  He is kind of stuck in this one position and, while a 10 foot tall Jesus may be big enough for most of my problems, aren't there just some times that we need a 50 foot tall Jesus?  Or bigger? 

Of course, that's what happens when we try to create a Jesus in our own image.  He has limits, just like us.  A god that feels safe and familiar, a nice human-like god, is limited.  He thinks like us, he acts like us.  That makes him easy to understand and predict and categorize and that sort of god can even make us feel good (or at least holy) sometimes....think how holy you would feel with this Jesus in your front yard!! The problem is that it isn't really God...anymore than the bronze statue in the picture with me is really Jesus.

What I am coming to understand is that our God, our Jesus, is way more exciting and unpredictable and powerful than that.  He's too amazing and beautiful and big and wonderful to capture with paint or bronze or plastic.  We can't fully understand Him, because we can't think like Him...that realization is beginning to be more comforting than frustrating for me, at least most of the time, Praise God!  I think it is God's absolute favorite thing to give us glimpses of Himself, moments of His presence, flashes of His glory so that we can begin to grasp just how little we really understand...how big He is, how little we are and how much more there is to learn.   And, as we comprehend THAT, we begin to REALLY get it...just a little...but enough to know how much we need Him and how much He loves us...and how we could spend the rest of our lives just seeking Him.  And THAT is never boring!

I know I am somewhat talking in circles this evening...waxing poetic because of the inspiration of my big, strong 10 foot tall Jesus.  I wish I had thought to see how much he cost!!  What would a 10 foot Jesus be worth to you?? :-)

Crazy for a Cause

Check out this video of our Associate Pastor Neil on our local news.  Neil is running a marathon to raise money for World Vision...a very worthy cause.  If you would like to join our family in supporting him, you can donate here. 

Way to go, Neil!!

Warmer Weather

My hubbie and I will celebrate 20 years of marriage on March 14th.  In honor of this milestone, we recently ran away from home for 5 days.  My wonderful mother-in-law moved in for a week to take care of the girls and we took off for Miami Beach last Thursday.  We spent a night in South Beach then made the beautiful drive through the Florida Keys...destination Key West.  Here is our vehicle:

Yes, we rented a convertible for the drive to Key West.  There is something about that drive, in that car, that just melts away any left over worries or tensions from home.  It is take-your-breath-away beautiful...still wild in parts.  There are 42 bridges along the route, one that lasts for 7 miles, so you often feel suspended in air with only turquoise water as far as you can see.  We downloaded all our Jimmy Buffet onto my IPod before we left, so we had 60 JB songs to provide a soundtrack to our adventure.  Sometimes we talked, but often we remained silent during our drive...the joy and comfort of a love that has lasted for decades.

Key West is a place unlike any I have visited before.  It is the southernmost point in the continental United States and, because of its location, it is known for the sunsets over the water.  In fact, there is a sunset celebration every evening down by the water, right next to the hotel where we stayed. There is something special about a town that plans a huge party every day just to celebrate the beauty of the sunset.  I probably took 20 pictures of tne sunsets, but this one is my favorite:

Actually, I like this one really well also:

Of course, the best thing about our trip was just being together.  As I have shared here before, we have been together since we were 16 years old.  We have grown up together and we plan to grow old together.  While the sweetness of a lifetime love is beyond compare, the blessings of comfort and familiarity can also breed complacency.  It is easy to take each other for granted and fall prey to being so comfortable that we don't take time to do the things that keep relationships growing and thriving.  Taking time away from jobs, responsibilites and kids just to focus on one another is something that we have not done often enough in recent years.  While I am grateful that we both adore our children and truly cherish this stage of our family life, I believe that nurturing our relationship as a couple is probably the most important thing we can do for our children and ourselves.  After all, in just a few years, they will both be gone and it will just be us again! 

So, today, I am feeling grateful that we had the opportunity to take this trip.  I am grateful that my girls had the opportunity to spend quality time with their Mimi.  I am grateful that, for 5 days, I didn't make a meal or load a dishwasher.  I am grateful to have worn flip-flps for 5 days and to have felt the warm sun on my skin (and a little grumpy about being in the cold again...ok, no complaints!!)  I am grateful for quiet moments surrounded by the beauty of God's creation with the amazing, funny, smart, generous, kind, GORGEOUS man that He gave me.  I am grateful that we have a whole lifetime to learn more about one another and see the world together.  And I am grateful that we will one day experience Heaven together.  God is good!

Here are a few more pictures (I took 150!!)  Feel free to continue your web surfing elsewhere at this point!!

My sweet husband very patiently visited a Butterfly Conservatory with me and watched me take about a 1000 pictures trying to get a good one of the pretty blue butterflies...picture me in a room with hundreds of butterflies, squealing and chasing the blue ones in circles, frantically snapping pictures trying to capture the beauty of this blue species.  There are all sorts of spirtual metaphors there....the first verse that pops to mind is "Be Still"...perhaps a topic for another blog entry??

         Another one from the Butterfly Conservatory.

One of many wonderful meals with my sweetie!  We enjoyed some great restaurants and some great wine...and a few of these new-fangled drinks called Mojitos.  They are tropical and yummy, but the mint leaves they put in them made me feel like someone had put a salad in my drink.   And, did I mention that I neither cooked nor cleaned up any of these meals?

One more funny thing about Key West...there are chickens everywhere!!  Apparently, there used to be a lot of cock fighting in Key West generations ago and, when they outlawed it, the chickens were set free.  Consequently, the chickens have multiplied and are free to roam the streets.  Since most restaurants offer outdoor seating, we often had chickens wandering around our feet while we ate.  Here are a couple of chicken pictures and then, I swear, I am going to stop making you watch the slideshow of our vacation.  Of course, that's the great thing about a blog...you can just leave when you get bored!!

OK, just one Miami picture, then I swear that I am done.  We went to this one bar with some friends that live in the area...they swore to us that only the "cool" people hung out at this place in South Beach.  Strangely enough, they let us in anyway :-) ! It was, of course, all outside but the unusual thing about it was that there were no chairs.  Everyone "lounged" on beds and big chaise lounges....it was so wierd and kind of fun!  Here is me, looking all "South Beach"

Tomorrow, I'll share one more of my favorite pictures from Miami... it deserves an entry all its own!