Seeking Him

Living Life Online- Facebook, Blogging, IPhones, Etc.

If you are over 40, you perhaps share my amazement at how the world has changed in our lifetime.  I recently blogged about my journey parenting teenagers, but neglected to mention the additional challenges created by the fact that my kids can be connected to their peers 24/7 due to their access to cell phones and Facebook.  Living life online is the only way my kids know how to be teenagers.  It is a challenge that our parents did not face when we were making our journeys through adolescence, so we have no model to follow on this front.  As I find with much of this parenting thing, we are making it up as we go along...even more so, in terms of guiding our children and their use of social media and technology.  Perhaps a good addition to my list in that previous blog entry: remember that we as parents have to teach our kids that computers and cell phones are not a right, but a privilege...a privilege that can be lost, if not handled responsibly.

But I digress...I am not interested in talking today about my kid's use of technology, but my own.  Although I ostensibly originally got on Facebook to spy on my teenagers, I have found myself to be every bit as enamored by it as they are.  In fact, I love ALL of this stuff!  I was thrilled by my first car phone in the early 90s...remember, they were actually installed in your car?  You couldn't carry it around with you!  No phone in the grocery store; how did we survive?  And I remember when my girlfriend in Michigan showed me this cool Internet thing when I was there visiting her in the mid 90's. Funny how antiquated that first computer we had then would be now that we are a house of multiple computers.  The phones got smaller, the hard drives got bigger, the internet access got faster and now I can access my email and Facebook from my phone from anywhere in the world!  And don't even get me started on how much I love my IPhone...it is ridiculous!  Frankly, it still seems like some kind of magic to me that I can be on my wireless home phone with my sister in North Carolina and email her a picture, either with my cell phone or my computer, while I am still talking to her and she can instantly see what I am referencing.  Crazy!

I began blogging in September of 2005 after being introduced to the blogging world by my friend Neil (whose blog I still enjoy.)  Initially, I blogged A LOT and found that it opened up a whole new world for me.  I loved the creativity of writing and I have been blessed by the opportunity to share my faith journey with the folks who stopped by to read what I had to say.  When I added Facebook to the mix a couple of years ago, I found that I backed off blogging a bit to play with this "new toy."  In the last couple of months, I have begun to connect my Facebook community and my blog readers with some extremely cool technology that my blogging host Typepad has recently offered. 

Please join me on a tour of the new features that we now offer here at Seeking Him  :-)

• My blog is set up to automatically post my entries on Facebook.  My friends on Facebook can then click on the link and be taken directly to my blog.
• Once here, my readers have the opportunity to "Like" my blog by clicking on the Facebook "like" button on the left side of the page.  Besides making me feel validated (as in you aren't really liked until you are "Liked" on Facebook :-)) I think that it somehow gives the "fans" of my blog some additional notification when I post a new entry.  For those of you who have "liked" my blog, thank you so much! 
• There is also a Facebook "like" button under each particular blog entry.  This gives readers the opportunity to express their enjoyment of a particular entry and thereby "recommend" it to their Facebook friends by it showing up on their Facebook page as something they "liked."  Everyone still with me?  
• This is my favorite one!!  Under each post, there is a feature called "LinkWithin" that recommends three other posts I have written in the past.  Through some kind of internet magic, this application scans the entry for key words and topics, then recommends three "you might also like."  I have really enjoyed this one, as it has reminded me of things I have written in the past and showed me how God was working in my life at that point in my journey.
• Also under each entry, there is a "Favorites" button.  Although I love the idea that readers could mark some of their favorite entries, I don't actually know what happens when you click that link.  If you read something you particularly like, would you click on that button for me and let me know what happens?  :-)
• There is also a "Reblog" button.  I think this allows you to copy my entry and share it on your own blog....again, you can see that I didn't exactly read the fine print when I added this feature.
• Lastly, the banner across the top is another new feature that I love.  That is a picture of flowers from my very own garden!  I love that I can personalize my blog by using my own pictures, so stay tuned for seasonal changes!  

So there you have it!!  Before I added anymore bells and whistles, I thought I would update everyone on some of the cool stuff that is already there.  I'm sure Typepad will come up with more fun toys to add to my blog and I will have to add them as well.  Did I mention that I can also access my blog from my phone?  So far, I have never posted a blog entry from my phone, but the fact that I could if I wanted to makes me giggle. So fun!

Whose To-Do List?

What a glorious day!  I have been sitting in the backyard this morning, soaking up the sunshine after several rainy, cool days.  The flowers in my yard are gorgeous after all the rain; you can almost see them growing and stretching in the warmth of this morning's sun.  The birdfeeders are full and the birds, after a few minutes, decided to ignore me and go about their business as usual, allowing me the pleasure of watching them from my seat nearby.  Truly, a beautiful morning to be alive.  As I enjoyed the beauty of God's creations, I spent some quiet time in the additional company of a few of my favorite devotionals and God's Word.  One of the devotionals that I read regularly is called Jesus Calling.  I read several passages this morning, but one of them particularly spoke to me, so I thought I would share it here.  The passages in this devotional are all written in the first person, as if Jesus were speaking directly to us.  Here is the entry from May 6, followed by the suggested scriptures:

Do not search for security in the world you inhabit. You tend to make mental checklists of things you need to do in order to gain control of your life.  If only you could check everything off your list, you could relax and be at peace.  But the more you work to accomplish that goal, the more things crop up on your list.  The harder you try, the more frustrated you become.

There is a better way to find security in this life.  Instead of scrutinizing your checklist, focus your attention on My Presence with you.  This continual contact with Me will keep you in My Peace.  Moreover, I will help you sort out what is important and what is not, what needs to be done now and what does not.  Fix your eyes not on what is seen (your circumstances), but what is unseen (My Presence). 

Isaiah 26:3 , 2 Corinthians 4:18

This really struck a chord with me.  I don't know about you, but there are a million things on my list of things that I need to/ should do.  Some are things that I hope to do today (get my filthy car washed, empty the dishwasher, run a load of laundry, return a phone call, etc.) and some are things that hang over my head that I need to do "sometime" (clean out the file cabinet, reorganize the playroom, get frames for the posters I want to hang, call that long-distance friend to re-connect etc.)  Sometimes I successfully stay on top of the first list, but there is always that nagging feeling that I am never quite finished.  As the devotional suggested, the sense of always living in a place of "not quite finished" can rob me of peace. Peace that Jesus says is my birthright in Him (John 16:33) 

I love the message of this little devotional.  Essentially, it is asking me to examine from whose to-do list I am operating?  Whose agenda am I following?  Mine, my spouse, my kids, my friends? Who or what owns the key to my peace?  Clearly, we all have responsibilities that we need to honor and work that needs doing, yet I am freed by the idea that resting, walking, living, abiding in God's Presence can help me determine a better way. And, it seems to me, that consulting God's to-do list allows me the opportunity to contribute to His Kingdom, to join in His work, to be part of something bigger.  As I get a little further along on this journey with the Lord, I am learning to anticipate the adventure of holding onto my own agenda a little more loosely.  When I am willing to be interrupted as I work through my "list," I often find that God has something much more wonderful planned for my day. And strangely enough, when I abide in Him, I tend to get done the things that really need doing.

Surviving the Teenage Years

Let me begin by saying that there is the distinct possibility that I have absolutely no idea what I am talking about.

Lately, I have heard several people lamenting the approach of the teenage years in their families. This has gotten me thinking about our family's journey through the teenage years.  My baby will be 14 on Wednesday and my big girl is 16 and driving!   At this juncture, it is too soon to determine whether or not we will ultimately "survive" these years, whatever that means.  Being mom to two teenage girls is stretching me in interesting ways...ways that are different than the earlier stages of this journey. With my youngest headed to high school next year, I have been thoughtful lately about what I am learning about this part of my journey; what have I learned up to this point about raising teenagers? What seems to be helpful so far and what is decidedly not working?  I tease my oldest that she is my "practice" child and that hopefully I will get it right with her sister. :-)

So what have I learned so far about surviving the teenage years?  Referring you back to the first sentence of this blog entry, here are a few of the things I am reminding myself along the way:

• Don't take IT personally!  This one is something I remind myself frequently.  "IT" in this case may refer to the tendency for them to prefer the company of their friends, their computers, the tv, their book, their cell phone, their music or the blank wall in front of them to your company.  IT may also refer to the fact that one moment you appear to be reasonably intelligent, mildly amusing and somewhat resourceful and the next moment they look at you like they wonder how anyone so profoundly stupid can find their way downstairs in the morning.  IT might refer to the eye-rolling, the selective hearing, the lip service, the monosyllabic responses and the mood swings.  IT may be the sudden decision that they hate something they have always loved or now love something that they have always hated...particularly if it was your idea previously and is now their idea.  Responding to IT logically and appropriately is much easier and, in my experience, much more successful when I am operating from a place of calm consideration as opposed to hurt feelings or a sense of personal attack.  IT really isn't about the parent when it comes to teenage ups and downs.  Which leads me to the second point.
• Remember what is developmentally appropriate for this age.  When my oldest daughter was in 6th grade, we were sitting with some other parents talking about the onset of the teen years in our family.  One very wise dad, whose youngest of 4 was also in 6th grade at the time, told me this: "Just remember, there is nothing in the world more self-centered than an 8th grade girl.  If you remember that, you'll be fine.  And don't worry, they do grow out of it."  I cannot tell you how many times I have chanted that refrain to myself...my mantra for surviving the self involvement of the early teen years!!   As I think back to my previous life as a counselor working with adolescents and their families, I remind myself that most of the things that frustrate me now as a parent are things that I know are a normal part of being a teenager.  Establishing themselves as individuals, questioning the values of their parents, testing limits and boundaries, increasing concern about the opinions of their peers, wanting to spend more time alone or with their friends, trying on new or different identities...all of these things are an essential part of being a teenager and getting ready to leave home.  And yes, leaving home is actually what we are preparing them to do at this stage, as painful as that sometimes seems for me.   Educating yourself on adolescent development makes it much easier to heed the first suggestion above AND to know when we are dealing with something that is outside of the normal ups and downs.
• Remain playful!  My husband is much better at this than I am, probably because he spends less time dealing with the task oriented aspects of parenting.  I am finding recently that I often need to make a conscious decision to keep a moment light and playful with my girls.  That sometimes means letting go of the opportunity to correct, guide or...ok, let's just call it what it is...lecture them about something that comes up in conversation.  I find that the moments when they are completely unguarded and telling me about the details of their lives are simply not as frequent as they were when they were little.  The absolute quickest way for me to shut down those moments is for me to jump on every "teachable" moment by problem solving, correcting, commenting on someone else's behavior or some other "mom" thing.  I am learning to listen more when I get those precious moments of peeking inside the parts of their lives to which I am not always invited.  When something comes up about which I feel it necessary to comment, I am more likely to do so in a playful way, than a lecturing way.  For more on this, I refer you back to this post.  Because our girls are so busy and we don't get the day to day time we used to get with them, we are much more likely to plan movie nights or dinners out together to intentionally have some time to play together. In our busy lives, and with their increased desire for time with their friends, we are choosing to make family play time a required activity on a regular basis.  This sometimes means pulling them out of their other activities, but we are finding that it doesn't happen unless we make it a priority.
• Remember that they need me to be their parent, not their friend.  Although we treasure our times of being playful and silly together and although we are choosing to pick our battles on every little eye roll or deep sigh from them, Steve and I are very clear that it is our job to set boundaries and limits. I could go off on a huge, judgmental rant about this, but it makes me sad how many parents of teenagers I see who have simply given up their job as parents. Our kids sometimes don't like us very much when we say NO to them, at least in the moment, and it would be easier sometimes to just let them do it their own way.  Sometimes, when I have chosen to make a stand on a particular issue, the battle is exhausting.  It is hard to stand firm under unrelenting badgering, bargaining, manipulating, pouting, stomping and tears.  Yet, we know the stakes are high and it is worth it, even when it is not fun.  It is our job to communicate what is acceptable.  It is our choice to sometimes allow them a little room to push it a bit.  It is also our obligation and responsibility to sometimes set a firm boundary that says "here is the line and there will be consequences if you choose to cross it."  So far, when we give a firm no, I have not had a kid say "Thank you so much, Mom.  I know you are setting that boundary because you love me.  I so appreciate you making the effort to guide me and help me to become a responsible human being."  Generally, it is something more along the line of "That's not fair!!  Everybody else gets to..."   I can't wait until they have teenagers of their own! :-)
• Pray first!  This is not listed last because it is the least important, but because it is the one I need to hear the most.  Pray first...before I react, before I respond, before I decide, before I erupt, before I get my feelings hurt, before I yell, before I open my mouth, before I choose not to speak, before I lay awake worrying, before I condemn myself or another.  Pray first!  While the other things I mentioned would likely be useful for anyone, this last one is the ace in the hole for the follower of Jesus.  For a believer, prayer is our secret weapon.  Better than any parenting book, prayer connects us with the ultimate source of wisdom, the antidote for worry, the path to peace.  As I connect to my Source, I am reminded that He is ultimately their Source as well.  Steve and I are not parenting these girls on our own.  God has a plan for the lives of our girls; He is not just waiting for us to raise them and then He will take over.  He knows what is best for them, and He really doesn't need my advice in determining their future (although I do have some pretty good ideas!)  All that they experience during these years, both the good and the bad, is ultimately part of their journey with the Lord.  I can confidently place them in His hands.  Everyday, over and over again, I can surrender them to His care and ask His guidance in determining where I fit into the picture.  Truly, I don't know how people parent without prayer!

Bottom line, I am loving this season of our family's journey.  My girls are some of my favorite people in the world to be around.  I love their sense of humor, their intellect, their hearts and their insights on the world around us.  In all honesty, I found the baby stage of life to be really hard.  I like a kid with whom I can have a conversation; even when it becomes something of a debate!  Teenagers are, by nature, passionate and emotional; traits that I value in the adults with whom I choose to spend time.  I love that my girls are so different.  I like that they are growing and changing and trying on new aspects of their personality, almost as often as they try on new clothes at the mall.  It makes me laugh that my little tomboy now spends hours straightening her hair and putting on makeup, but will also kick off her shoes in a heartbeat to race anyone who questions her speed.  It makes me smile when my "sunshine and rainbows" girl tries on the newly skeptical and sardonic aspect of her personality.  Yet, in spite of her experimentation with cynicism, she still just can't stay in a bad mood, no matter how hard she tries.  I recently heard her describe herself as a "cynical optimist;" a perfect description of the polarity of adolescence.  

Here's the hardest part of this stage for me: so far, I really don't want them to ever leave!  As they enter high school, it seems like everything is a countdown to get them out the door.  I can become really sad when I realize that we have less time left with either of them now then the time we had with them before they started Kindergarten.  At least, in terms of the time left that they will be living in our house full-time. Realizing that I have so little time left is, however, something of a gift.  This knowledge helps me in the sense that I am choosing to cherish this time, savor this time, enjoy every minute I have to spend with them...even on the days that I want to smack them!! 

If you have raised adolescents or are currently in that season of your life, I would love to hear your top survival techniques.  What works for you?  What have you learned?  All suggestions or insights are welcome!!

Simple Prayers

I heard the most beautiful prayer today at the Lamb Center at the end of bible study. She said simply this "God, thank you for bringing me to this safe place where I can start to like You again." 

God in a Box

Recently, I have been participating in the women's bible study on Wednesday mornings at CPC.  We are using Priscilla Shirer's study One in a Million and I am really enjoying it.  In our video lessons on Wednesdays, she is challenging us to compare our journey to Promised Land living with the Israelites' wilderness trek to Canaan after God delivered them from slavery in Egypt. 

Today in the video, she used an illustration that I found compelling and, in order to cement it in my mind, decided to share here.  Her suggestion to the viewer was that our view of God- His ability, His power, His capacity- is shaped by everything we have learned up to this point in our life.  In addition to our personal experiences, our view of God is influenced by the testimonies of our friends and family, by the teaching of our denomination, by our exposure to scripture and by the ways we interpret His presence in the world around us.  This understanding of God is unique to each of us and she suggested that we carry our picture of Him around in our "God box."  Our boxes are different sizes and shapes, mine subtly or perhaps drastically different from yours.  As we go through our life, every experience is filtered through our "God box" and we carry it with us into every aspect of who we are.  If we see God at work in our lives, it is most often through the lense of what we already know about Him.

But, here is the thing: God doesn"t fit in boxes!

As she has said several times during this study, God is predictable in His character, but not in His actions. God is a God of endless creativity and reserves the right to show up in a way in which we would least expect Him.  Unfortunately for us, we often allow our ability to see Him to be limited by the size and shape of our "box."  We become complacent in our spiritual walk because God seems to be doing the same old stuff He has always done.  Good stuff perhaps, but nothing new.

This conversation about our God boxes in today's video was in the context of how the people in our life influence our view of God.  Do we surround ourselves with people who help us to increase our view of God...people who stretch our "God box" by showing us new ways to see our "bigger than a box" God?  Additionally, what kind of influence are we in the lives of others?  Do we, by our testimony to the work of God in our life, help others to increase their view of God...to grow and stretch their "God box?" 

As we discussed this illustration later in our small group, I figured out why this was so meaningful for me.  In the past two years, I have struggled to share with my closest Christian friends my experience of serving at the Lamb Center.  Because sharing what God is doing in our lives is part of the glue that holds these precious friendships together...the very DNA of who and what our friendship is based on...I have felt drawn to share the enormous impact that this experience has had on my life.  Yet, when I try to talk about it, I find that I often struggle to put it into words. In addition, I often feel that my friends interpret my passion for the work that the Lamb Center is doing as some sort of attempt to recruit them or convince them to join me there, though this is far from true.  While I believe we are all called to serve the Lord in some capacity, I am equally clear that we are all called to join His work in the way that means most to us.  I love this quote from Frederick Buechner:  "The place God calls you is the place where your deep gladness and the world’s deep hunger meet."  FOR ME, sharing God's Word around that table is where my deep gladness meets the world's deep hunger.

But, I digress....(imagine!)  This illustration about putting God in a box meant so much to me today because my time at the Lamb Center has busted my "God box" wide open!  THAT is what I have been wanting to share.  My friends around the Lamb Center table have filled their "God box" with some life experiences that differ from mine.  Their experience of God and the ways that they are seeing Him at work in their lives today stretch my perception of God to such a degree that He no longer remotely fits in the box that I had built for Him after 40 + years of traveling this journey.  The ways in which He provides every single need for the Lamb Center...from the shortage of paper plates, to the need for one more person to work in the laundry...challenges every preconception I had about the way God works in the lives of His people.  The deep hunger for His word, for His hand, for His healing that I experience every time I sit around that table and the way He continually meets those needs, has changed the way I see Him.  I am changed because I can't find a big enough box for this God anymore.  I just can't wait to see what He is going to do next!

So there it is.  For me, part of my journey to the Promised Land is to remain amazed, astounded, expectant about the new and different ways that God might show Himself.  I'm not sure, but I think that is what we mean when we talk about the "glory of God."  Glory!